


Dearly Beloved

by oyechi



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Character Death, M/M, Markjin, Moving On, Not Beta Read, Psychological, Psychological Drama, Romance, Slice of Life, Sort of beta read, Spoilers, Supernatural Elements, Tragedy, markjae - Freeform, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-04 20:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5347145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oyechi/pseuds/oyechi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark Tuan was starting to see Choi Youngjae's ghost in everything he did.</p><p>When he was out in the grocery store, when he was hanging out with his friends, even when he was having sex...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dearly Beloved

**Author's Note:**

> Hope it's worth the read! :D

**Before** the whole incident happened, **Mark Tuan** used to wake up to the sweet smell of coffee and eggs. The eggs weren’t always the best, but he knew it was something to accompany the real dish; the coffee. The coffee his boyfriend used to make him was the best there was (he even had his own coffee shop thanks to Mark’s encouragement and efforts) and it wouldn’t be an exaggeration if he said people from other towns stopped by just to try his coffee. It was one of the things he always looked forward during the day; he could no longer go without a single cup of his.

The face of his boyfriend always greeted him with a smile as he waited for him at their kitchen table. In the background, a soft jazzy song would play just for his boyfriend, and the latter would get up and dance to it. Mark would laugh at him because his boyfriend had never been the dancer, but somewhere along the way, he was pulled into the dance. He would hold his partner tight in his hold, one hand on his waist while the other was holding his hand. Like that, they would dance in the same place until the song ends and disentangle themselves from each other. It was a hard thing to do, considering that Mark could look at his boyfriend’s eyes forever and he knew the latter felt the same way, but they had to. He would sit down to eat the breakfast his boyfriend made just for him, and listen to the cheerful chatter of the other because he had always been quite the chatter box.

Everything about those mornings was beautiful.

There were also other days that were equally precious as those days, very similar but different in they’re own way. The way the sun would greet them in bed and Mark opened his eyes to see his boyfriend being bathed in its sunlight. The way the latter would smile at him, his eyes turning into tiny moon crescents, and kiss him good morning. The way he tangled his legs on purpose with the other so he would have a hard time getting out. It was always amusing for Mark to see this, to see his boyfriend try and disentangle himself from him. The struggle he had to go through was adorable and he could never last long because his boyfriend was cleverer than what he looks; he would look into his eyes and pout, begging to be let go off. His heart would melt into a puddle of goo and he would grin widely, his perfect pearls showing, and let go of his boyfriend as he requested. The latter would go into their bathroom and shower as he sang to his heart’s content, while Mark cooked for both of them. Both males were relaxed and peaceful in each other’s company, completely oblivious to unknown future that lied ahead of them…

His mornings weren’t like that anymore.

When Mark Tuan would wake up now, there was no sweet smell of coffee and eggs. There was no soft jazzy song playing in the background anymore or no one singing in the bathroom. What only greeted him now were the lonely silence of an empty apartment and the distant sounds of the city. Most importantly, there was no one waiting for him at the kitchen table, no one smiling at him or dancing. There was no one beside him except for a Park Jinyoung he met a couple of weeks ago, maybe a month. He’s not sure anymore about what he’s doing with his life or anything else for that fact. Even though there was someone else with him in his bed, it’s not the same anymore. It feels as if there was no one taking space at all, cold and hollow and just all so wrong…

He’s not sure when he began seeing Choi Youngjae’s ghost in everything he does now.

It was a time of grief and sadness, he realizes, that somehow lead to this result. He tried coping with his pain, he _really_ did. Mark visits regularly the psychiatrist every week; on his bad days, he goes every day. When that’s not enough, he drinks the prescribed medicine his doctor assigned him to drink and it’s only then some of the pain feels lighter almost as if it’s a bad dream. His friends felt sorry for him, enough to get him out of his apartment and get him back in the game. That’s how he met Park Jinyoung, through his friends. There was an undeniable attraction between both males, everyone noticed it right away and edged them on, _but it wasn’t the same_. He figured though, that it was worth the try to move on with his life, to forget about his dearly beloved but then unintentionally, he began to hear his voice again.

At first, it was just his voice in his head. Whenever Mark went out to buy some groceries for his guest, Youngjae would pop up in his head and comment on everything. “ _Hmm, if you’re going to cook Italian food, then you gotta use Mozzarella, I mean, c’mon!_ ”

“ _Peanut butter is obviously better than jelly! Gosh!_ ”

“ _But sweetie, does he even like mushroom?_ ”

“ _Wait, don’t buy that! Don’t you remember the time when we bought that and you got sick from it? You don’t, don’t you? This is why you’re so stupid sometimes!”_

“ ** _What would you do without me_** _?”_

It only grew worse when Mark started to answer it back in his mind. He would try and act normal as he conversed with him mentally, but it was so hard whenever the latter made a joke. It was always hard because even when Youngjae was still around, he made him crack up easily. That quiet exterior of his was broken effortlessly by the latter when they first met and it was like all this time, he was looking for someone that would break that exterior… He would earn weird looks from strangers whenever he snorted or laughed at something, and he would stop out of embarrassment. “ _You got weird looks again, Mark.”_ Youngjae would state the obvious.

“Shut up. You’re just a fiction of my brain.” He would growl back.

“ _Or am I really, Mark? Am I really just your imagination?_ ”

He never knew the answer to that so he always stayed quiet whenever he brought that card up.

Moments like those kept happening more frequently; friendly conversations with Youngjae in his mind whenever he went out to groceries or to anywhere else for that fact. Mark was convinced it was just his own way of coping with the pain and he had no doubts that it wasn’t that until it happened.

It was a strange night when Mark took out Park Jinyoung for their third date. The full moon was at its peak, bright and shinning everywhere that had no light. There were a few clouds here and there, hiding the moon when it had its chance but to no vial because even then, the moon shinned its way through them. The stars were nowhere to be seen on that night and Mark feels a little lost without them when he looked up at the sky. For some reason, Youngjae didn’t speak to him that day during his trip to the bookstore and he feels a little more alone than he should be, like back to the way he was before when there was no Youngjae.

That scared him.

Like it was on cue, he saw Park Jinyoung waiting for him at the meeting place, the park. It was the latter who had bravely asked him out on a date and while everything still felt so wrong to Mark, he still said yes. He felt that this would be a good distraction from everything he had been dealing with recently and he knew that he wouldn’t regret it when he saw how the latter beamed at his sight. Park Jinyoung instantly greeted him and held his hand tight, and led him somewhere else under the starless night. To Mark’s surprise, they went to an ice rink that was opened only for couples. He was about to object when he saw how the latter was genuinely embarrassed about it, how sincere he looked when they locked gazes and he didn’t have the heart to say no.

After putting on their equipment, he held Park Jinyoung’s hands tightly so that he would get the hang of it. Apparently, it was his first time skating and the only reason why he never did it was because he was afraid of the fall. Mark laughed at how silly was his logic because no one gets it at the first, and the laugh distracted both of the males because Park Jinyoung tripped and fell on him. Their hearts grew erratic and frantic at the close distance, both feeling embarrassed because that was the closest they had been to each other. They quickly got off from each other and decided that it was for the best to go eat.

They didn’t want to go anywhere fancy so they decided to eat at one of the local restaurants, where they ordered beer and all the food they wanted. They drank and drank; suddenly feeling light and like nothing could go wrong. They locked gazes; Park Jinyoung’s gaze was more heated up with lust, while Mark was normal and sleepy. With one smooth motion, the other leaned closer and met his lips, and then the rest was obvious. They were at Mark’s apartment, kissing each other with passion and fever, ripping each other’s clothes and throwing them on the floor. They took it to the bed and all that was heard were the sinful moans coming from Park Jinyoung’s mouth and the erotic sounds their bodies was emitting. And it was then, when Mark was leveling his dick into the other’s butt hole that he finally saw it.

Choi Youngjae was standing there, looking at them with a poker face.

Mark wasn’t expecting this, to see his boyfriend back in flesh right there in front of him. He thought he was dreaming it, that it was the moonlight playing tricks on him, that he was going crazy… and suddenly his mind was flooded with so many things. There was so much he wanted to tell the latter, to tell him that he loves him so much, and to tell him that it wasn’t what he thinks this is. The moment was over when Park Jinyoung grabbed his hand tightly and spoke, “B-Baby, what’s wrong? H-Hurry u-up and insert it”, because when Mark looked back up again, Youngjae was gone.

It was only when they had finished and Park Jinyoung was resting peacefully next to him in his bed, that Mark saw Youngjae again in flesh. The boy was sitting in the kitchen table as always, humming a song they used to listen all the time when they were together, when he noticed him. He flashed him a smile, the smile that Mark simply loves so much, his eyes turning into tiny moon crescents. “ _What’s up, Mark?_ ” Youngjae chirped, looking like the last time the latter saw him. “ _That Jinyoung guy is asleep, right? Such a cutie, hmmm._ ”

Tears began to fill his eyes as he walked over to his boyfriend, speechless that he was there before him. “Is it… really you?”

It felt like someone dumped cold water all over him and slapped him hard on the cheek because when he tried to hug him, he couldn’t. His body trespassed his into nothing but Youngjae clearly was there. He tried again and again only to fail miserably. Mark looked at him, earning a sheepish smile in return. “ _You can’t hug me, Mark._ ”

“W-Why…?” He was crying now.

“ _Because I’m dead, Mark. You know that._ ”

 

▀▄▀▄▀▄▀

 

The day when it happened was like any other day of theirs. Mark woke up to the smell of coffee and to Youngjae singing along with the radio. When the latter noticed him, he greeted him with a kiss like always and continued singing along. He drank his delicious coffee and noticed that he was about to be late for his work; he was a Math professor at a university down the street. He quickly changed into his work clothes, grabbed his case and before leaving, kissed his boyfriend again. “’Love you, see you later.” He said with a wink. “I think I’m going to finish early today so let’s go get some food.”

Youngjae pretended to think about it, holding his chin and checking his imaginary schedule in his head. “Sure, it seems I’m free anyways.”

Mark grinned. “Of course, you are.”

After that, he closed the door and continued to head on to work. He had no question or doubt that his boyfriend was getting ready to go to his own shop and start working later. Unlike Youngjae though, who was his own boss, he had a boss and a set of rules to follow and if he got late to his office, he was going to be squinned alive. That’s the kind of workplace he works at and he sometimes envies his boyfriend for his carefree and relax attitude.

As he crossed the road to the university, he started to calculate what he should be working on today. A class of his had an exam later during the morning while another class of his was behind on material. He sighed as he remembered that class, not particularly his favorite one. They always interrupted his class with the stupidest questions about material that was already discussed, and then they continue talking amongst each other like Mark doesn’t even exist. Then they come complaining to him when they fail.

His coworkers greeted him with nods and smiles, some waving while others didn’t bother to look up. Mark sat at his desk, getting out some papers from his case and started to look them over just in case everything was in order. He liked double checking just in case if there was a paper that needed a copy or if he was short on a copy or for any sort of emergency, really. Once he saw that he had his papers in order, he began to review the material for his class later the day. He briefly read over the lines because he knew this material by heart, but reviewing it in case was never a bad thing. Mark smiled a little when he noticed the time and got up to leave for his class.

Like this, he spent the day teaching students about the wonders of math. The test was successful, no one tried to copy and everyone was present during the test. There had been times when students ditched, claiming they were sick but Mark knew better than that. (He may or may not have been one of those students before at least once.) His least favorite class was the same as usual; loud and uncooperative that he decided to leave them some homework to take. Before he knew it, it was time to leave and he smiled when he remembered his conversation with his boyfriend. Mark quickly picked up his things, making sure there wasn’t anything left behind, before leaving.

It was around then Youngjae called him. He picked up his phone, the smile never leaving his face. “Hey, babe.”

He could imagine him getting flustered at the nickname. His boyfriend was bold with other things but when they were simple things like this, he became a mess. “H-Hi…”

Mark chuckled. “At the usual place?”

“Yeah, that’s what I was about to say.” A toothy smile.

“Great. See you there! ‘Love you!” He always had the habit of reminding him everyday like that.

“’Love you too.” The call ended.

The usual place was the park in the center of everything. It was one of the most crowded places but everything was around there. Cars were everywhere, waiting to cross when it’s green and people waiting for the red light. Not to mention, it became the usual place when they often met up for their dates at the early stages of their relationship. It was the place where Mark confessed his feelings for the latter and asked him to be his, it was the place where Youngjae said yes to him and it was the place of their first kiss. It held so many precious memories and the couple tried to visit the park as much as possible when they had free time. Mark knew where his legs were taking him by memory; he was waiting to cross to get there. When it was green, he almost skipped on his way there, excited to eat with him again.

He was the first to get there, which wasn’t a surprise. Youngjae always arrived a minute or two later because his shop was a little farther away from the park. Mark paced around, checking the watch every once in a while. His boyfriend was taking longer than usual. He tried calling him but the call only went to the voice mail. He frowned, thinking that it was really strange and decided to go to the shop. Maybe the shop got full at the last minute. It’s happened before after all…

However, as he walked up to the intersection that leads to the shop, he saw that there was a crowd of people surrounding something. Sirens were heard, blue and red, and then shortly a hospital car trailed behind it. Maybe an accident happened, he thought dimly before falling into realization. His heart pounded against his chest as he started to run toward the accident. _Please don’t tell me it’s you_ , Mark thought. _Please…_ He pushed people, apologizing but not really meaning it, shouting his name when he saw the lifeless figure on the floor and then a pool of blood coming out from it. It was as if time stopped at that moment; his eyes wide at the scene, his mind blank and breathing cut short. He tried to look away from the scene. It was all too much but he couldn’t. No matter how much he wanted to look away from the scene, his eyes were glued to the doll on the floor. The sight was horrifying but what disgusted him more was that the person, who caused this accident, looked like he didn’t even feel anything. Like he hadn’t caused a giant accident and killed someone.

Someone precious to Mark.

Mark felt furious, enraged that the man didn’t bother to even shed a tear or two. He walked up to him, as calmly as possible (which wasn’t really working) as inquisitive looks were thrown his way, as he lunged forward a punch at the guy’s face. The guy fell back on his butt, his hand going to his cheeks and suddenly looking angry at Mark. “What was that for?!” he raged as he got on his feet.

The latter scoffed as he pointed to his dead boyfriend. “Think about what you did, you scum.” Mark spat. “How dare you even get angry at me when you killed him…!”

The police officer decided then to intervener. “Break it up, you two. Don’t fight at a crime scene.”

Mark barely kept himself from punching the officer too. The only reason why he didn’t was because a pair of nurses started to pass Youngjae’s body to the hospital car. He ran to them and got in the car too, explaining that he was his boyfriend. The ride to the hospital was long and quiet; the only thing heard was the sniffles from Mark and the occasional curses at the guy who killed him. Tears were threatening to fall but he wiped them harshly as he continued looking at him, thinking not yet.

At the hospital, they checked one more time if he was dead (to which he was) before moving him to the morgue room. There they left Mark alone with him for one last time. The tears he was trying so hard to hold back fell effortlessly now as he stared at his boyfriend’s face. It was cleaned up from all the blood it bleeded, and now he didn’t look so deformed as he looked back at the crime scene. He looked peaceful and calm even in Death like he was put to sleep for a long time and no one could disturb him from his sleep. If there was anything else different, its two things, one, he looks paler and colorless, and two, he was freezing. Everything about the boy was frozen in time, not moving an inch or breathing. Mark was hoping that this was all some sick joke his boyfriend decided to play on him and that any minute he would wake up and say, “Surprise! Got you good!”, but that wasn’t the case.

He wasn’t ever going to wake up again.

Mark kneeled down as he held his boyfriend’s cold hand, sobbing loudly and breathing in and out unevenly. His face was scrunched up in a million wrinkles, beet red and snot dripping down from his nose. The pain and loss felt horrible, and this just couldn’t be happening… it just couldn’t be happening.

 

▀▄▀▄▀▄▀

 

Many things happened afterword. Mark tried handling Youngjae’s shop at first, back and forth with his teaching job, but he quickly soon realized that he couldn’t keep doing that. He gave up his teaching spot and studied about coffee so he could manage well the shop without receiving help from his friends. He also met his current friends (Wang Jackson, Im Jaebum, Park Jinyoung…) there and became an official barista.

Not long after that started the visits to the psychiatrist, slowly becoming more often, and then it happened. He started to hear Youngjae’s voice.

Then the rest follows…

 

▀▄▀▄▀▄▀

 

Youngjae appears whenever he’s alone at any time during the day or night and anywhere for that fact. Sometimes when Mark is out buying groceries and can’t decide which meat is better, his dead boyfriend appears and helps him out by pointing out which one to buy. There are other times when he’s at the shop, hanging out with his friends when he sees him sitting down on a table looking at them. The latter smiles at him whenever their eyes meet and as much as Mark would love and wave back, he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to seem crazier than he already is.

In fact, Park Jinyoung catches up quickly, too quickly for his taste. There have been too many occasions when the latter gently grabs his hand and holds it tight as if saying everything is going to be all right.

As if he was there for him.

Mark knew that someone like him wouldn’t ever appear in his life again but Youngjae was also like that. He was the sun that came through the window to brighten up his apartment. He was the jazzy song they used to hear all the time during their breakfasts (and although very rarely, during dinner too). He was the home he could always go back to after a long and tiresome day at the university. He was the stars and the moon during the night, leading him the way through out life. Youngjae was everyday to him. How could he just forget about someone as amazing like that?

On a particular day, he decided to go visit Youngjae’s grave and have a long talk with him about many things. He closed the shop for the day, made himself some lunch for him to take and left the apartment. On the corner of his eyes, he could see the ghost of his dead boyfriend trailing behind him and he smiled a little. The few people that lived next door to Mark were often out working and they had a weird schedule, like on that day for example. They were there for once and greeted him warmly as if they were friends, which they sort of were. “ _Waaahhh, isn’t that Mr. Cha and Mr. Jung?_ ” Youngjae gushed. “ _Were they always like together-together?_ ”

The only reason why Mark ever bothered to befriend his neighbors was because of him. Otherwise, he would never try befriending them because he likes his privacy. He shrugged as a response once they were out of their vision, “It was only recently.”

“ _I always thought there was something fishy about those two!_ ”

He fell quiet again once they entered a flower shop that was near the apartment. A worker greeted him with a professional smile, to which he awkwardly nodded back at them. Mark looked over at the flowers, his brows furrowing and his hand on his chin in thought. He was trying to decide which flowers to take to his grave since his dead boyfriend used to be a fan of flowers. There wasn’t any flower in specific that he liked so it was hard choosing one that would be perfect for the occasion. In the end, he chose some white roses because Youngjae always seemed to prefer roses over all of the rest. A lovely smile grew on his face when he saw the bouquet prepared for him and paid it before leaving. He smelled them, inhaling their sweet scent as he stopped on the bus stop. Strangely, the ghost wasn’t trailing behind him and for once, he felt okay without it.

It took a while getting to the cemetery since they caught traffic, but Mark didn’t particularly mind since he was thinking about what he was gonna say. When they finally got there, he was the only one in the bus who got down at the stop. He waited for the bus to finally leave so he can continue. It took a couple of minutes before it finally did, leaving him behind with the bouquet of flowers in his hands. He breathed in and out steadily, suddenly feeling nervous for no reason. Mark took small steps once he entered, stopping every once a while because he wasn’t completely sure where was the grave. It was his first visit since the accident and although he should’ve been paying attention during the funeral, he couldn’t. He wasn’t functioning well the first couple of days (they were the hardest days). Once he finally reached there, he puts the bouquet of flowers on the ground and solemnly looks at nothing in particular.

It was silent in the cemetery except for the occasional wind blowing and the loud heartbeat of Mark. He was the only one alive there after all… “ _Hi, Mark._ ” Youngjae’s ghost finally appears before him, sitting on his grave with a small, sad smile. “ _You finally visited me._ ”

The latter had a hard time getting his words out. It was as if something was stopping him from speaking to the ghost. “I-I’m sorry…”

“ _Don’t be,_ ” Youngjae said gently. “ _I was the one that left you alone… you should hate me instead._ ”

“How could I…!” Mark raised his voice, alarmed and hurt by those words. “How could I ever hate you…?”

He began to sob quietly, tears falling slowly from his cheeks and hands on his face. Mark wished he could be like other people in this sense. There have been millions of people that have gone through this, he realizes, and have been able to get past it. So why can’t he? Why can’t he be one of those people? He wants to hate his dead boyfriend more than anything for making him go through this grief, this sadness he never thought that could exist until recently.

Despite everything he’s been through, he doesn’t blame Youngjae for anything. He blames everything else instead; it was that man who didn’t give two flying fucks that his boyfriend was crossing the road. It was him that should’ve gone looking for his boyfriend earlier because maybe if he did, nothing would’ve happened. It was the time and circumstances of that day that simply didn’t add up and caused his boyfriend to be in an accident. It was life being unfair to him and taking away what matters most to him…

He hadn’t cried this openly to public since the day of the funeral. Even though he was in his own boycott against himself, his body still produced tears uncontrollably. The sight of him crying wasn’t pretty but nobody judged him for it for obvious reasons. His best friends hugged him tight, patting his head and whispering over and over again everything was going to be all right. Mark didn’t believe them, but he appreciated the effort they put in trying to make him feel better. His eyes were puffy and red, and they laughed at him for it. He joined in shortly, laughing along and it seemed things were okay until he reached his apartment. That was the first time he felt the apartment was so empty without Youngjae’s presence and later that night, he cried himself to sleep.

“ _Baby, don’t cry…_ ” Youngjae’s voice was broken as well. “ _You know I don’t like seeing you cry like this…_ ”

(The first time Youngjae saw Mark crying was when their dog, Coco, died. It was bound to happen, they both knew since she was already at an old age. They bought her during their early stages of relationship after all. But when the latter saw her permanently sleeping, he broke down into small sobs, hugging her tiny body close to his heart. Youngjae’s heart broke at the sight and he hugged him as a way of trying to calm him down. It worked by the time they went to sleep; Mark had long stopped crying about his baby girl. Unknown to him, his boyfriend made a tiny wish to always keep him happy so he wouldn’t ever witness a sad Mark again.)

“S-Shut u-p,” Mark said in between a broken sob. “You’re d-dead!”

The latter fell quiet now, understanding what he meant. “ _But what about_ Jinyoung _? He seems nice and cute. He looks like he cares a lot about you…_ ”

He shook his head rapidly. “H-He’s not you…”

“ _Give this some time._ ” Youngjae reasoned.

“No.” Mark said, wiping away his tears now and looking firmly at the ghost. “You’re my one and only.”

The ghost stood up now from his grave and stood in front of him. This was the most serious Mark had seen him. Youngjae was always goofing off and laughing around him, always so carefree and free spirited. “ _Then do me one last favor._ Live _._ ”

“ _Live like there’s no tomorrow, Mark. Unlike me, you have the chance to do everything. Don’t waste your time on crying forever and continue like you were before._ ”

He was at loss for words. Mark never thought about Youngjae’s feelings or thoughts since he was already dead by the time he got to him. He felt ashamed for assuming that the other wasn’t as bothered as he was about his death, but who wouldn’t? Youngjae was only half way through his life. He hadn’t been giving a chance to fulfill all of his dreams and desires before moving on so of course, he would have his regrets. “ _I’ll be always in your heart. You’re never alone, sweetie._ ”

“I-I’m sorry, J-Jae…” Jae was his nickname for him. “I never thought about your feelings…”

Youngjae smiled warmly at him like he used to before stepping back and sitting on his grave again. “ _It’s okay. You were always insensitive to other people’s feelings._ ” He chuckled, making Mark feel warm and fuzzy.

“I promise to live again… for you.” He said hesitantly because he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to move on, but he knew for certain, the ghost will help him lead his way back on track again. Just like he always did.

That was the last time Mark saw Youngjae’s dazzling smile for good.

It hurts knowing he won’t ever be able to see it again, but Youngjae promised him.

He wasn’t alone. Maybe not physically but somewhere up in the skies, he was watching over him like he had all this time.

 

▀▄▀▄▀▄▀

 

Getting back in track wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. Mark completely focused on the shop and it was equally as successful as when Youngjae used to run it. People from other towns visited his shop just to try his coffee. He had gone to numerous interviews for magazines now and the whole media is going crazy for his amazing looks. In fact, he had also gotten various offers from companies but he politely declined them, reasoning that it wasn’t originally his shop to begin with. Mark was only doing what he thought his dead boyfriend would do.

Rejecting Park Jinyoung was probably the hardest thing to do. He knew the latter’s feelings were genuine but he just couldn’t see anyone except for Youngjae. Even if he’s passed away and is living in the sky, he wants to continue loving him and remembering him in his honor. It wasn’t such a messy rejection; Park Jinyoung didn’t cry or anything like he had expected it to result. Instead, they decided to stay as friends. It was awkward here and there sometimes, but it wouldn’t have been a normal break up without that. 

Some of his friends are getting married and he’s been made the best man for one of them. The bouquet of flowers landed on him a couple of times but he would pass it to someone else that was even more desperate than him.

Everything’s starting to be okay.

He was okay without Youngjae’s smiles and teasing. The days when he terribly missed the latter, he would visit the cemetery instead and talk to him. Ever since that day, Youngjae’s ghost never appeared again and maybe that was a sign that he really was okay without him. Instead of waking up to the sweet smell of coffee or to the silence of his apartment, he’s now waked up by his brand new puppy (Heart). She’s his new sunshine and he doesn’t regret it one bit because the puppy is absolutely adorable. He sometimes takes her to the park and lets her roam around, getting familiar to her surroundings. There are other days when he takes her to the grave so that Youngjae can see her too. Mark hardly visits anymore the psychiatrist and doesn’t need the help of medicine. He can listen to soft jazzy music now and dance to it by himself in his apartment without missing his boyfriend.

Everything was _finally_ okay.

 

▀▄▀▄▀▄▀

 

Although he thinks that maybe the reason why he started to hear his boyfriend’s voice and see him was because Youngjae somehow knew he wasn’t okay. He decided to give him a helping hand so it would all lead up to that point where he finally visited him at the grave. Its strange how everything seems to add up but he’s not questioning it further.

Because he will always be in his heart.


End file.
